Things That Bug Me Most About Youth Ministry (by Brian Aaby)

This is a short article I first saw in my Twitter feed.   Can I just say that I LOVE what the author has to say in it.  Seriously….LOVE EVERYTHING IN IT.   I love it because it puts the responsibility for success of a youth ministry on the leader and not just casting blame on the individuals in the youth group or church at large.   If the leader isn’t modeling Christ, then how is a teen supposed to be expected to model Christ?   For that matter, I believe teens want their church/youth group to challenge them to be/do greater things then just show up for a 1-2 hour block on Sundays/Wednesdays where they play stupid games, listen to tired worship songs, and maybe hear the youth pastor talk about having a relationship with GOD or watch a video by some other guy talking about a relationship with GOD.   We as youth leaders have to model it and work our faith out and not be lazy about our own faith.   I also like how stated that “Sheep stealing is not growth”.  Yeah, that hit me where I live to be honest, but I’m giving away the article.  Read it and tell me what ya think.


by Brian Aaby

Let me start by saying God is at work and there is much to celebrate in student ministry, however, in 20+ years in youth ministry there are some things that have gotten under my skin… the good news, every one of these is fixable! I’m praying that naming these may be the first step towards the solution!


Check out the dichotomy of messages we send students: We recruit teens to defend our country. We see those naturally gifted/talented in their sport and push them to the limits so that upon graduation they can sign multi-million dollar contracts. We lead them to believe that if they work hard enough, take AP classes and keep their grades up they’ll receive massive scholarships for school. Yet in the church and youth ministry we keep the standards low, we entertain them rather than include them in the development. Too often I hear, “they’re so busy with everything else we just want youth group to be resting place.”


I love when youth groups (or churches) grow! But the growth that should be celebrated is when someone who was not connected (to Christ or to a body of believers) begins to attend and be discipled. When a person comes from a different church or a different youth group our first reaction should be to protect the bride (unity). If your group is growing with already committed believers transferring in understand that another church/group is shrinking. This isn’t to say there aren’t reasons for people to leave, but please take the time to speak to those issues, seek reconciliation in the relationships involved even if it means your “numbers” aren’t growing as rapidly.

Equip your teens to seek and to save that which is lost! Sheep stealing is not growth.


We (youth leaders, parents, pastors) become discouraged when students don’t do what we’ve asked them to do. “Read your Bible.” “Pray about that.” “Invite your unchurched friends.” “Get discipled.” “Be committed.” These are all things that we seem to expect of our teens, but are these things that we’re doing? I interact with a lot of pastors and youth pastors, many volunteer leaders and scores of parents of teens and I can tell you, the apple does not fall too far from the tree. The very expectations we have for teens are the very things that are NOT prioritized in the lives of adults.

Are you pouring over Scriptures? Is prayer a priority? When is the last time you prioritized sharing Christ with your own peers?

On one hand I’m terrified about the future of student ministries, the very things I named can become an uncontrollable snowball that leads to entertainment only, numerically judged, low standard youth ministries. Or, through prayer, a recommitment to relationally-driven, biblically-based and Spirit-guided responses we could see a generation of teens lead the cause of Christ!

ysblog spacerBRIAN AABY is the director of YS SEARCH & COACHING, assisting churches with personnel placement and provides coaching guidance for youth leaders. Brian served for 17 years as a youth pastor and then founded and led Youthmark since 2008. Brian speaks nationally at churches, camps, conference, and events. He and his wife, Elisabeth, have three children and reside near Seattle.


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