It’s been 6 months since my world was changed. Well, actually 7 months, but it was 6 months ago a text made it very obvious that I was supposed to make a drastic change in my relationship with my old church and some of the people within it. This isn’t going to be one of those deeply “TMI”, whiney, “they-done-me-wrong”, “I-was-misunderstood” “make-you-think-you’re-reading-country-music-lyrics” type post because, well, technically, I deserved to be “fired” (if you can fire a volunteer) because I did screw up. Was it handled correctly? Doesn’t matter, because bottom line….I didn’t handle it
correctly. There were a lot of things that I over reacted to, then over compensated for the over-reaction, then over reacted to the overcompensation, so I have to be honest and say near the end I was just a freakin’ hot mess of drama. I don’t think anybody outside of the situation noticed it or could even tell because we kept it pretty contained within the leadership, but, well, let’s just say I needed to make a break and move on. With that being said, it was hard the first couple of months. It felt like I had been pushed out of the extended family I had been a part of for two years, and the people whom I had invested two years of my life into were now off limits to me (at least it seemed like it at the time). If that wasn’t hard enough, the beginning of the year also saw me plop over $1500 into my car for repairs
God is good however. That text served as the “skillet-to-the-brain-pan” that it was obvious that I needed to make some changes and take a long hard look at stuff in my life. I did, I started counseling, I reached out to old friends and started going to a really great church in Warrenton, Va (45 minutes from my house), and started the process of moving forward and letting GOD work in my heart and life. Digging into the life o f the Apostle Peter (Conversations with Peter) on this blog also helped out a great deal, because it helped me see Christ in a different light. For the longest time, I had been feeling like I was the bastard step child of God, and that while God listened to my prayers for others, HE wasn’t listening to my prayers for my needs/wants/hurts. Don’t ask why or how that belief got there, there’s a lot to it, but it boils down to the simple fact that I had allowed Satan to just twist my head into knots. Digging into Peter’s life helped me see that Christ love is unconditional and HIS patience is vast, and no matter what I think of myself, GOD treasures me. Because of this realization, I couldn’t hold onto that false belief any longer. GOD has been blessing me in this new year. In April/May I transitioned to a new church closer to home. Well, not exactly new. I rejoined my Old church, the one I left two years ago because, well, the reason isn’t important anymore. It was like coming home to be honest. I’ve had long, frank, and very open discussions with both the pastor and the youth pastor, as well as my life group leader and they’ve been very supportive. So, i’m excited about the next 6 months of this year and seeing how GOD will work in my life and in my church. I’m excited to (hopefully if it’s how GOD leads) to hopefully start working with their youth group in the fall and invest in the lives of kids once more. That was the biggest casualty of this whole affair. I questioned my call to youth ministries, my desire, my passion. I felt paranoid every time I was around teenagers, and just questioned whether my time in youth ministries was over because maybe I was too old or irrelevant to still be in youth ministries. My conclusion after almost 9 months of being out of ministry: It’s not relevant. God has called me to youth work and so that’s what I’m gonna do. Dangit!!! I love investing in the lives of teens, love the chaos that surrounds teenagers, and love just spending time with teenagers. I’m excited for the possibility of impacting and investing in the lives of a new group of kids, and, while I miss the old crew I had at my old church, and it was hard realizing that those relationships are forever changed, I’m excited to see how GOD will work. I’m waiting until the fall because my church has a 6 month “get to know you” period before you can volunteer in the youth ministry department. So that’s where I am right now. I’m excited for what GOD will do in the next 6 months.