Psalms 119:103-104 Bible Junkie and ministry break and paradigm change

¹⁰³ How sweet are your words to my taste,
   sweeter than honey to my mouth!   Honey is nature’s natural sweetener, here, David is using it to symbolically describe how God’s words are to him.    When you taste honey, it practically envelopes your taste buds, it is like an explosion of sweet goodness in your mouth.   For David, God’s word is like that for him.   It’s wisdom and power envelope and explode upon him so that it leaves him enraptured.    He longs to be able to read and hear God’s word, it’s like a natural drug for him.   Can I say that about my desire for God’s word?   Am I a Junkie for the Word of God?   No, more like a recreational user.   I get a quick fix, but it’s not my full on obsession that I can’t live without.    I have to get to that point, it’s the one thing in life that I have to be obsessively desirous of.
¹⁰⁴ I gain understanding from your precepts;
   therefore I hate every wrong path.   David gives his reason for his obsession.   Understanding.   By reading the Law, it gave him understanding for life.   That understanding gave him direction and a path to walk, any deviation from that path, isn’t a new direction, but a dead-end and a trap.   Therefore, with the understanding and direct path, David can see the wrong paths and can avoid them.   That’s the value of God’s word.   It isn’t a book of rules, a list of do’s and don’ts, it is a guidebook…. a map for life almost.   It’s gives us a path for living right, by living within boundaries.  Everything outside the boundaries is death or leads to some type of “pretty” enslavement/entrapment.   It may look good, feel good, taste good….but it’s still a trap.   The Bible gives us understanding and inspiration when read.   No one can read the Bible and not come away changed in some way.   It’s a unique book that God uses to convict, inspire, and encourage us all at the same time.   It amazes me.

 So, I spoke with my Pastor and New youth pastor last week and spoke to the leadership team on Tuesday and told them I’m taking a break from Ministry for the month of February.   I need to step back and re-evaluate what I’m doing.    My biggest fear about doing ministry is not being challenged.  To me, if some part of you isn’t saying: “holy crap, I’m in over my head and can’t do this” than it’s not really ministry, just a comfortable hobby.    Since they chose someone else as youth pastor, then I’m simply just another lay-worker and to be honest, I don’t know if that’s enough for me.   I spent 6 months as an interim youth director, being part of a team that did great things only to be told I’m second best and they’re going with someone else.  Is this a pride thing?   Well, probably.    I do know I dont’ want to look at my pastor and youth pastor and feel bitterness or hurt towards them, or the members of the selection committee and feel like they stabbed me in the back.  I don’t want to be that guy that either consciously or subconsciously obstructs the Holy Spirit.    I figure a month off to re-evaluate my purpose and calling and maybe pray about a paradigm change. 

  
Paradigm change.   Now that’s an interesting thought.   Maybe it’s time I did something else.   Maybe para-chruch minsitry or foriegn missions?  Evidently, a full-time church staff position isn’t going to happen anytime soon; to be honest, not many church’s want a 45-year-old youth pastor that’s single, still working on his BS, and never actually been in leadership position within a church.   It’s ironic that I have three walls of certification and awards from the military saying I’m certified and able accomplish things way past my pay grade, but because I don’t have a diploma or a wife I’m inelligible to be hired by a church.   Am I being a bit sarcastic and cynical?   Probably, but hey, it’s my blog and I calls ’em as I sees ’em.   Maybe it’s time to change or transition to something else.     I don’t know to be honest.   I guess that’s why I’m taking a month off.  My plan is to take those Sunday’s and Tuesday’s I’d be doing ministry and seek out former mentor’s and friends and get insight from them.   I’m looking forward to reconnecting with some people.   Should be an interesting month.   Oh, and I turn 45 on the 17th, so maybe this is my mid-life crises also.